the snoring Boston Terrier

Special thanks to Lorna Hunt for teching this file conversion. This was Jordan snoring last night, a very common occurrence - especially when she is sharing your pillow.

Talking with Jordan

Today was full of tears for me (Tristan). I woke up sad and just couldn't shake it all day. We had a phone appointment with Laura, the animal communicator. Disclosure here: we have spoken with our pets through this animal communicator for about 5 years. She has told us some uncanny things, and we choose to believe that she can communicate with our pets and the information she gives us is helpful. The last time we spoke, about 4 weeks ago, Jordan told us that her stomach was feeling much better since we started cooking for her. But, like the call before that, she did not seem ready to die; in fact, she said she felt better overall since we changed her diet and added supplements and homeopathic remedies. Today, things were different. She described her body as a "broken clock," and said she was not happy or enjoying life. She described her grand mal seizure from 2 weeks ago, and the description she gave Laura sounded like a near-death experience. She told Laura it was clear that Colten and I were very upset, but that she was ready to go to dog heaven. She just wants to feel better. She said she enjoyed her visit to the cows and she felt like she had pretty much done everything she wanted to in her life. She did say she'd like to go to the beach. Not a surprise, since she's been to the beach with us many times and used to love to swim. So, we've decided to make a spontaneous trip to the beach tomorrow. I just felt so much grief today, and it would not stop washing over me. Jordan's impending death is bringing up lots of issues for me around the death of loved ones, specifically my father. I know that we are doing the right thing for her, but it doesn't stop the sadness from feeling totally overwhelming. Colten was determined to get us all out of the house, so we finally got in the car and headed to our local park with Jordan and Reggie Love. We decided to leave Harley at home to hold down the fort. Jordan walked around a little and did not immediately begin circling, as she often does at home, so that was a pleasant surprise. Then she laid down on the blanket with me, and Colten took some photos.

Monday adventures for the BT

We have decided to make it a priority to spend quality time with Jordan this week and do things that we know she loves. Today, we headed to visit a small cow farm. First, we stopped by the Freehold Country Store for a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. Jordan really likes when we get these (and any of you who've visited us have probably sampled one). Colten ordered extra bacon so Jordan could have an entire strip for herself in addition to a big piece of Tristan's sandwich. She loved it!

Jordan also loves the smell of cows and cow manure. She has visited several farms before, and she always goes right up to the biggest animals, including cows and bulls, to sniff them out. She is totally unafraid of animals that are much bigger than her. Fearlessness has always been one of the qualities I admire in her; she's full-steam ahead, balls to the wall every day. Because she's lost her sight, her meeting of the cows had to depend mostly on her sense of smell, which, luckily, is still working.

Many of the cows looked up and checked us all out as we approached the fence. Two cows in particular took a liking to her. One smelled her, nose to nose (and sneezed on me). Another one decided to be bold and used her enormous tongue to lick the side of Jordan's face. Unbelievably, Colten captured it on film!

Jordan used to take great pleasure in rolling in smelly things, and manure was the jackpot. When she was on leash, it was fairly easy to steer her away from it, but when she was off leash, she would often roll in it and trot back to us feeling very proud of herself. I wore special shoes today so I could walk her right through the manure. This if the first time Jordan has ever had access to cow manure and not rolled in it gleefully—it's just one of those moments when we realize that she is not entirely herself.


We walked across the street to a local farm stand, where Jordan posed with giant pumpkins.








Then, we headed to our local swimming hole, a beautiful spot very close to our house. It's one of our favorite places to visit, to take guests, and to swim. We brought all three dogs there once and they had a great time. We were super lucky to have a mild, warm day—it was almost 70. Colten toted Jordan all over, and she posed for about a hundred photos. She was entirely chilled out as he carried her through the stream in his arms to one rock, then the next, trying to get the lighting right. Back when she could see, she was an amazing model, posing, giving looks to the camera. She's still pretty amazing. Although she cannot see, Colten simply follows where she's looking. She remained calm and never fussed once the entire time. When he brought her over to the rock I was sitting on, she continued to be calm, and she even fell asleep on me. I am trying to stay really present with her, and I found the tears welling up in my eyes. I got very sad that these are the final days of her life, and this would be her final trip to the swimming hole.

Where Things Are, an update from Tristan

Colten and I decided to take the entire summer off from traveling, public appearances, and events. We had the rare opportunity to spend a lot of time at home, entertaining house guests, doing home projects, and gardening. We also spent a lot of time with our wonderful three dogs Reggie Love, Jordan and Harley. This summer, it became clear to Colten and I that Jordan, our Boston Terrier, is not doing well. Let's back up for a minute and bring everyone up to speed.

After having several seizures in January of 2008, Jordan had an MRI and was diagnosed with a benign, non-operable meningioma brain tumor and put on phenobarbitol. It was pretty devastating news for us, but we knew right away that we wanted her to have the best possible care and we wanted to treat the tumor aggressively. I took a writing job that I was on the fence about in order to pay for her care. We went to the Veterinary Cancer Center in Culver City, California (where Colten's family lives) where she received 4 1/2 weeks of daily radiation treatment under the care of Dr. Jared Lyons. The staff at the center was amazing, and we even made friends with another couple whose dog Honey was being treated for a nasal tumor. Jordan was a real trooper—she had to be sedated every day in order to receive radiation; she was cheery, had few side effects, and didn't even lose her hair. She has remained symptom-free since then. Under the care of our vet here at home, we have even decreased her phenobarbitol significantly (by half), and she still has no seizures.

This summer, she began to exhibit new symptoms, including disorientation and repetitive circling, which are "classic" signs of a brain tumor. So we believe the tumor has grown back. We can have another MRI done (which requires sedation and has a hefty price tag, about $2500), to confirm the tumor has returned. But, then what? Well, we've consulted Dr. Lyons, who says that he can re-radiate the area, do just a few high doses of radiation, or do palliative radiation (which he believes in, but has not been proven or disproven to work—it's fairly new). She has one eye, is blind, and has lived for 14 years—we're not sure that we want to put her through another round of radiation. In August, he said if we do nothing, he estimated that she had a maximum of two months to live. It's now October.

We consider our dogs members of our family; they are very, very important to us. Anyone who knows us knows that we are devoted to them. I am especially connected to Jordan, who I got when she was nine months old. She was bred to be a show dog and was retired because she was winning second place at all the dog shows. I don't think I have spent more time with another living creature. Until her brain tumor, she traveled everywhere with us, and when I am home, she sits by my side (literally, in my favorite chair) as I work all day. She and I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time together, she has driven across the country five times, and she has flown over 100,000 miles. She used to love to swim, and swam in rivers, ponds, and lakes around the country as well as in the Pacific Ocean. She has survived dog fights, being hit by a car (when she lost her eye), an operation with a bone graft for her jaw, and partial then complete blindness.

She does not appear to be in any pain. She sleeps a lot. When she goes out in the yard, she gets lost, and someone has to fetch her and bring her back inside.

In September, we decided to cancel or reschedule nearly all our travel through the end of 2010 in order to be here for her. I turned down things I really wanted to do. This isn't the best decision for our finances or my career, but it's the best one for our family.

Balancing Act

Jordan poses on Harley's agility balance beam.

September has been all about balancing. We have made a big decision to cancel or move all of our fall travels to stay home with Jordan. With the exception of just a few trips that could not be moved we will be making the most of our time with the one-eyed Boston wonder. We have also taken some big steps towards improving the quality of the end of her life. We have consulted a homeopathic vet and have begun to reduce some of her western medications that keep her agitated and hungry all the time. We have also, wait for it, been convinced to cook for her. Yes, it took 14 years, but we are cooking better for Jordan than we are for ourselves. Sweet potatoes, chicken, veggies, with kelp, nutritional yeast, bone meal, giblets, rolled oats... yum for some.

Jordan is loving her new food. In fact, so are all of the dogs. Reggie and Harley have taken to staring and drooling as Jordan enjoys her 4 (small) meals a day. It won't be long before they start placing their dinner orders!

I'm a dog parent and I vote.

Jordan on an outing with us to vote in our local primary election.

Summer Update in Circles

Around the end of July, Jordan began something new: walking in circles. Big circles, then little circles. Not all the time, but often enough for us to notice it and enough to occasionally make her dizzy. We went in to our vet in NY, and called Jordan's cancer doc in CA. Everyone agreed, her brain tumor was back. Two and a half years symptom-free was a hell of a long ride. The best estimate they had to give us was that she would have 0-2 months to live before more symptoms and other unknowns would take our baby away. This is the beginning of the very tough but inevitable return of her tumor. We love this dog very, very much.